


New Orleans

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Constantine (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Dark Arts, Dreams and Nightmares, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, New Orleans, Out of Body Experiences, Rituals, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, and john doesn't think he deserves him, des is a good boyfriend who puts up with a lot of shit, this was a bitch to edit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 06:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: New Orleans has meant many things to John, but most importantly it has always meant Des.





	New Orleans

To John, New Orleans means many things. It means loud music and street food and parades down the street. It means colourful garb and masks and feathered boas. It means fancy tailored clothes and laughter and the shaman on the side of the road selling fake magic and fortunes out of a cart.

But most importantly, New Orleans has always meant Des.

Soft touches and waking up to a warm body beside him and coffee stains on his teeth. Des never seems to mind the taste of smoke or whisky on his lips or the tossing and turning in the middle of the night. He never minds the strange things John brings home and the strange words John seems to chant into the early hours of the morning.

Car rides through the streets are always a blessing because John gets to look down at his sleeping face pressed up against the window and secretly admire this man, this new creature who somehow managed to love him and John thinks that maybe this time will be different, this time Des will live and maybe this time John can allow himself a little bit of happiness.

But John has never deserved happiness. Has never deserved love or kindness or redemption from anyone in any way but no matter what John says or does, Des is always there to hold him while he trembles through nightmares and mutters random names and incantations with his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

No matter who he used to be, John is convinced that Des can make him into a better man than he’s ever been and fix him in ways he didn’t even know he was broken.

So five months in, John finally tells him, finally tells him all about the magic and the demons and the danger and to Johns complete and utter surprise, Des believes him almost immediately and pulls his head to his chest, carding his fingers through John’s hair. “You idiot.” He hisses affectionately and John doesn’t speak he’s been spoken to with affection for years. “You should have told me before. I thought you were in a cult.”

“And yet you around stuck with me anyway.” John can’t help but laugh and Des just rolls his eyes and holds him closer.

It’s true- no matter what craziness John happens to pull out of his sleeve or wrestle through their front door, Des is always there, always loving and always caring. John has never expected any less from him. Des is just that person- always wanting to give his heart.

Even late at night, when John tosses and turns in the throes of another sweat-soaked nightmare, Des is by his side and holds him until the nightmare subsides and John looks up at him with bleary eyes. And when John doesn’t recognise him for a few moments, Des speaks softly and carefully until John is himself again and honestly, John has never felt more loved in his life.

It’s a love he doesn’t deserve. John is too cruel a man, too dangerous and too callous and much too deadly for the kindness that Des gives him for no reason other than how much love that he holds in his heart for all those he meets.

But John doesn’t think- no, he absolutely knows- that Des doesn’t understand. Doesn’t understand how bad it is for him to be anywhere near John at any given time. And despite all of John’s feeble attempts at explaining to Des the danger he’s in, Des just laughs and kisses his words away, effectively turning John to mush.

When Des finishes work at one day, still reeking of alcohol and fried food, John is waiting there on the couch for him with two glasses of red wine and a candlelit dinner between them. Des slings his bag off his shoulder where it lands on the floor with a thump. “This isn’t blood, is it?” He jokes as he joins John on the couch and John sends him a wry, half-hearted smirk in response. “What’s this about? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Des, everything is dandy all right.” John laughs lightly and reaches over to grip Desmond’s hand. “But I think we need to talk and this time I need you to listen.”

The smile Des sends him is soft and calculated, the kind of careful that says he knows that he should tread lightly and that he knows the sort of self-hatred filled rants that John can go on if Des says the wrong thing. "Johnny, you know nothing you can say can make me love you any less."  
  
"No, Des." John hisses, gripping his hands tighter. "That's just the thing. You don't get it. Not really." Des sits silently and patiently waits for John to finish. "I'm... not a very nice person. You know that by now. But listen, you have to believe me when I tell you that nobody who sticks around with me gets a happy ending."  
  
Des laughs and to John, it's like the flutter of an angels wings. "Come on, Johnny. You know I don't believe in superstition. And that includes happy endings."  
  
"Just listen to what you're saying, Des." John is practically shaking with all the nervous, antsy energy bundled up inside. "You're sharing a loft with an actual master of the dark arts. I deal with demons and angels and all the nasty things in between, and yet you still claim not to believe?"  
  
Sighing, Des lets him win and bobs his head and lets him know that he can keep talking. "People who get too close to me, Des, bad things happen to them. It always does, without fault. That's why I work alone and that’s why I haven’t got any friends. Nobody deserves that kind of fate." 

“Come on Johnny, you can’t scare me away that easily.” Des puts his hand on John’s shoulder and squeezes to let John know that he’s here for him. “And besides- I wouldn’t be dating you if I didn’t like the consequences.” 

John hisses and the sound that comes all the way from the pits of his stomach burns on the way up. “I have no soul, Des. It got sent to hell with Astra and there’s no way I can do anything to fix it-”

Des reaches down and grips John’s chin in his hand and John stops his prattling to stare at him. “Now you listen here. I wasn’t there when it happened but there’s no way you could have known that would happen. It was your fault, I’m not denying that, but it was an accident. One you couldn’t have stopped even if you’d tried. Stop beating yourself up about it- you’ve already lost your soul as recompense so when you get her back you don’t owe hell _anything_.”

“There’s no reasoning with hell, Des.” John can feel himself shaking now but he doesn’t care because he knows Des is kind enough not to mention it. “You know that. I just need you to know the risks that come with a fuck up like me. I need you to know that nobody lives the life I do without some heavy baggage.”

For the first time since the conversation began, Des frowns. “Are you breaking up with me, Johnny?”

John shakes his head so hard that his hair shifts out of place and falls down his face. Des moves it out the way of his eyes. “No, no but I probably should. Neither of us deserves this. You deserve better and I don’t’ deserve any love at all but no, I’m not breaking it off with you.”

“Despite everything you believe in telling you that you should?” Des raises his hand and gently caresses the back of his fingers down John’s cheek. “You really love me that much?”

“I do,” John’s voice is brought down to a whisper, a pained one that felt like jagged glass in his throat. “I really do. Which is why I need you to understand how much I need you to be safe, and that we both know that anyone who sticks around with me isn’t really the definition of ‘safe’ in anyone’s books, much less mine.”

Des leans forward and presses his forehead to John’s. “Well, don’t worry, Johnny. I know the risks and I’m still staying right here, by your side. You can’t scare me away that easily.”

And so John, reluctantly, relents and lets Des think he’s won because when Des is pushing him into the couch cushions and kissing down John’s neck and into the collar of his shirt, all thoughts of keeping Des at arm’s length escape John’s mind.

True to his word, Des sticks by his side, regardless of the dangers John runs head first towards or the riff-raff he brings home to their loft, and when the craziness that is his life rears its ugly head and John worries that it’s too much insanity for Des to handle, Desmond always smiles kindly and offers and help he can provide and John feels the heart he once thought was non-existent grow a few sizes.

New Orleans has always meant many things to John, but no matter when he arrives or what happens while he’s there, it always means love and excitement and a whirlwind of beauty. John always finds himself crawling back to the bustling streets of New Orleans because this place, more than any, makes him forget about Astra and look forward to a future with Des.

And most importantly, maybe the most important reason of all, is that New Orleans means happiness, and that’s a rare thing for John. But John Constantine is provided everything he’s never had before in New Orleans in a small, brightly lit loft with Desmond. 


End file.
